I don’t wish to be melodramatic. But.
This may be the last ever post from Ms Girlova.
I’m going to the mountains for a week, supposedly to complete my mission to achieve total Czech integration – by learning to ski.
I fear this is an experience I might not survive. You see while I may be highly competent in many areas of my life (she says modestly), I’m not a sporty person. There’s the legendary family story of when I requested ballet lessons as a six year old but was informed by my parents that this would be a waste of money, as I apparently ‘moved like a fairy elephant’.
Anyway, I fear that as an adult I remain too clumsy and fond of remaining upright to master winter sports of any kind. Feel the fear and do it anyway? No thanks.
Czechman will not accept this. Using a potent combination of bribery and heavy emotional blackmail , he has forced me to go to ski school. He is determined to make a skier out of me. I’m afraid I’m going to be more Eddie the Eagle Edwards than graceful queen of the slopes.
This weekend I went sales shopping at Novy Smichov. one of Prague’s main shopping malls. While hunting through the rails in search of bargains would normally be a source of delight, on this occasion I can only describe it as a chore. Why?
I was obliged to spend 1200kc (about £40) on an item of clothing with all the stylistic flair of two padded bin liners. In other words, ski trousers.
“But 1200kc isn’t that bad!” exclaimed Czechman when I objected. “And they were reduced.”
At this point I found it necessary to point out that when I was last in England, I spent that amount in Primark – a sort of poor man’s H&M – and came out with a sack full of stuff.
1200kc for one hideously ugly item of clothing does seem rather a lot – even if it is practical. And let’s not even talk about the ski goggles. At least I might be able to wear them to a fancy dress party on my return. Assuming I do return that is.
Anyway, I’ve decided to end this post with a clip of the aforementioned Eddie the Eagle Edwards – the greatest ever British ski jumper – in action.
Being the best ski jumper in a country where there are no real mountains means of course that he’s not actually very good. Apparently he used to train for the Olympics by leaping off his garden shed. Anyway, he managed to become a national hero though because he tries very hard even though it’s blatantly obvious that he’s rubbish. The Brits do love an underdog.
Perhaps I should adopt an Eddie the Eagle style attitude to the ski experience. I have no plans to attempt to ski off any ramps into mid-air as I fear that I really would break my neck.
Anyway, here’s Eddie doing his stuff. I don’t understand the commentary but the accompanying soundtrack from the Beatles says it all: