Girl In Hospital

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Hello. It’s been a while. But I have a really good excuse though this time.

I’ve been in hospital. For quite a while.

I wasn’t going to blog about my medical adventures in Czechland. However, I’m afraid there’s just too much good material that I have to share with you all.

Like the doctor who asked me whether I preferred English or Czech men while stroking my inside thigh. Fortunately I was wearing pyjamas at the time.

My English friends said I should report him. “You’d be struck off in England for less,” my sister commented.

Czechman just laughed.

Let’s just say that doctor-patient boundaries must be less influenced by political correctness over here than in the UK.

My main doctor was a lovely lady who made no sexual advances on me. She also spoke fluent English. I still got plenty of Czech speaking practice though. Managing to formulate even the most basic utterance in a foreign language which has seven cases while in considerable discomfort is something of an achievement in my view. I became particularly good at politely begging the nursing staff for pain relief.

What I actually mean is that I screamed “DEJ MI DROGY!” at the top of my voice until they sedated me.

There was quite a bit of screaming on the ward. The man in the bed opposite me, who would barely say two words to his family when they came to visit, would suddenly come to life at 4am when he would yell expletives at the nurses trying to help him. Fun times.

Czech hospital was of course Czechland in microcosm so there were plenty of those little cultural differences that I like to observe. Like being forced to drink copious amounts of herbal tea instead of water.  Or being given two rohliky and an entire packet of ham for breakfast. And again for dinner.

Or the nurse who practically accused Czechman of being a wife beater because he hadn’t brought me a dressing gown. Poor Czechman. Despite the nurse’s dim view of my lack of suitable nightwear, he does definitely have his mother’s genes and took very good care of me indeed.

Overall, it could have been worse. I could have been in hospital in England in which case I probably would have ended up with a superbug and bedsores.

And in case you were wondering, I’m doing much better now and plan on incorporating regular blogging into my recovery programme. Watch this (cyber)space.



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33 Responses to Girl In Hospital

  1. Richardinprague

    I have been wondering where you have been – you’ve been missed. So very sorry to know that you’ve been poorly (at home we might say things like “under the doctor”, but that has other connotations 🙂 ), and delighted to hear that you’re on the mend.
    Take care, kiddo – take it easy and don’t forget the “rehabilitace”!


    • girlinczechland

      Hello Richard,

      Well I’m glad I escaped unscathed from being under the doctor – literally! Thanks for your kind wishes: it’s nice to hear that my absence left a tiny void in cyberspace…


  2. Richardinprague

    … an afterthought, why do they have the sign “H” for nemocnice?

  3. MikeInBohemia

    Get well soon.

  4. i hope you feel better… but Im glad you returnd to blogging! I love your humour and informative posts 😉 take care,don’t eat too much ham (tempting though I’,m sure)

    • girlinczechland

      I ate *all* the ham. And the strange ‘diet’ dumplings. I didn’t manage the entire babovka that I got for tea one day though! Eating is a very big deal in Czech (or maybe all?) hospitals – patients who don’t eat, don’t go home. Patients who do eat are ‘šikulka’!


  5. John Smith

    Pleased to read your last article – they always make me laugh.

    I just assumed you had split up with your partner, and had returned to hibernate in the UK. Dont jump to conclusions ….. obviously.

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Mr Smith,

      No, no, Czechman and I are still going strong: good job really as I needed someone to provide me with clean clothes and company on a regular basis! And I’m glad that my (mis)adventures are still keeping people entertained. Expect more updates soon!


      • John Smith

        Slipped on ice, resulting in broken hip; thats is my best guess.

      • girlinczechland

        It could so easily have happened but (un?)fortunately I spent most of this year’s cold snap stuck indoors. And I do always wear hiking boots when it’s icy out as I’m terrified of falling over and breaking something.

  6. Hi GIC,
    Like Richard says above – you’ve been missed! So it is good to have you back blogging again. All good wishes for a complete recovery.

    Yes – political correctness is a fairly foreign concept in the ČR. Whilst the absence of some aspects of it is quite liberating, a male doctor stroking the inside of the thigh of a female patient & asking personal questions at the same time, is NOT acceptable behaviour. Please stay healthy – and keep blogging!

  7. People say that the most terrible experience with Czech hospitals is having to wake up absurdly early. How do you sleep?

    • girlinczechland

      Really glad you mentioned this as I forgot to put it in the post. Yes, I got woken up at 5.30am sharp most days by a nurse shoving a therometer at me – or worse still, a needle in my arm! And all this on top of monitors beeping everywhere, snoring old ladies and the crazy man in the bed opposite – to be frank it was tough to get a decent night’s kip!

      • mig

        Hi GiC,
        Hi GIC, I will write in Czech – your Czech must be pretty good by now, right?:)

        V nemocnici v Praze jsem byl asi pred 8 lety a opravdu me prekvapuje ze stale jeste praktikuji ten sileny zvyk vzbudit kazdeho pred sestou! To bylo to nejhorsi co jsem v nemocnici zazil. Nejhorsi je ze naprosto nechapu proc to delaji!

        Jinak moje pritelkyne loni stravila nekolik dni v nemocnici v Londyne- neni to tak strasne jak jsi popisovala(bedbugs etc.). Ovsem proces diagnozy problemu trval pres 9 mesicu (NHS!!!), to bylo opravdu neuveritelne.

        Get well soon, a zdravim z Londyna

      • girlinczechland

        Ahoj Jan,

        I should reply in Czech of course but I’m feeling lazy 😉

        Waking up at 6am does seem pretty silly and certainly didn’t aid my recovery process! I also agree that one of the worst things about the NHS is the long waiting times for specialist appointments. When I was in hospital my doctor said I was better off being medically treated here than in England and I’m afraid I’m inclined to agree…

        Hope you’re enjoying London life,


  8. Zuzana

    Hi GIC, sorry to hear that!
    The thing about the dressing gown is so true, I was very surprised when my mother bought one just because she was to be admitted to hospital. But I guess it would be awkward to wander through hospital wards only in your PJs (not to mention cold!).
    Another thing that made me chucke was your “DEJ MI DROGY” – I’m afraid that most of Czechs would think you need a ‘rehab’, not ‘rehabilitaci’ 🙂
    And don’t forget – only the bloggers who blog at least every other week are called ‘šikulka’!

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Zuzana,

      Perhaps Czechman should be called sikovny (is there a male version of sikulka?) as he managed to buy me a dressing gown on his own and bring it to me to keep me cosy when walking up and down the corridors.

      And yes, you’re 100% right, I do need to start blogging at least every other week 🙁 I have lots to say after my enforced break though so watch this space!


      • Radek

        Hi GIC, šikulka (btw lovely word isnt it?) can be both male and female. Eg. on je šikulka/ona je šikulka

      • girlinczechland

        Hello Radek,

        Aha – the ‘ka’ at the end of the word made me think it could only be feminine but I’m glad to know my Czechman can also be ‘sikulka’!


  9. Ana

    I was worried you stopped blogging. But now that I know you are just in hospital, I relaxed a bit : ))) Really sorry to hear you had problems and I appreciate even more your sense of humour giving the circumstances. Get well soon and please keep blogging 🙂

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Ana,

      Thanks for your kind message. I think that one thing the Czechs and English share is a dark sense of humour especially in the face of adversity. I even managed to make a joke out of the clumsy nurse who spilled half the contents of the bedpan (misa) over the floor – and me. “It was the most exciting thing that happened all day” I told Czechman. We both managed to see the funny side (once I’d changed my pyjamas…)


  10. Sarka

    I too missed your writing 🙂 It seems as Czechman is really a good one. This otherwise sad situation could have been something like a rather difficult test of his true love for you. That’s nice 🙂 (I’m in a romantic mood, so sorry : ). That’s at least something positive.

    Get well soon and eat enough! 🙂 (But I would recommend something more nutritious than flour meals though. Why do they serve such things at hospitals?… maybe because it’s cheap, hm.)

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Sarka,

      Every cloud has a silver lining goes the cliche and Czechman being lovely was mine in this case. Good job he takes after his mother!

      As for the food, I can’t complain about it in general but I did have to eat a lot of rohliky – rohlik for breakfast, rohlik for svacina, rohlik for tea on a Sunday when the kitchen was closed – you get the picture…


  11. Meky

    Hello GiC 🙂
    get well soon – I was little affraid that you stopped blogging right after I had discovered your witty blog
    H is an international sign for nemocnice – you can find it in maps for example 🙂

  12. michaela

    Hi, happy to see you back. the phrase “Dej mi drogy” made me laugh out loud, literally! funny funny! tricky this czech language 🙂 but i had the same “surprise” when i went to the US for the first time and saw “drug stores”. had to ask my friends – can you buy drugs here (hash, cocain etc) legally? 😮 :)))))

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Michaela,
      I didn’t *really* shout out ‘dej mi drogy!’ although I felt desperate enough to do so sometimes 🙁 Still, I’m feeling much better now and today was out enjoying the Prague spring sunshine on my bike. Woo!

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