Where is Girl in Czechland?

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Has Girl In Czechland become a victim of sex-trafficking? Or decided to follow in fellow blogger Belle De Jour’s footsteps all too literally?


Rumours have been flying – and perhaps even tweeting – their way around the blogosphere regarding the possible explanation for the rohlik purchasing, mushroom huntingGrandma visiting Girl in Czechland’s most recent silence.  Here’s a brief taster of what’s been alleged:

1. Having spent so long experiencing life in a post-Communist state, Girl in Czechland decided she wanted a first-hand taste of life under socialism and eloped with a dashing Cuban called Juan, notorious throughout Prague for his sexual prowess and his love of hand-rolled cigars.  It is suspected that she is now documenting her experiences under the new moniker, Our Girl in Havana.  She still teaches English and gets very upset when her students claim they live in ‘the Cuba’.


Has Girl In Czechland decided it’s time to go and experience Communism first-hand?

2. Girl in Czechland finally fell victim to Communist-style censorship but this time in her own home.  Finding himself to have been the butt of Ms Girl’s jokes once too often, Czechman decided to show the world who wears the trousers in their household by hacking into the Girl in Czechland blog and censoring it. He is in fact writing this post and is finding it very strange to talk about himself in the third person. He would like to take this opportunity to point out that it is not stingy to refuse to order a drink with lunch even if you are thirsty just to save 15kc. That’s a massive fifty pence, British readers. 

3. Having dared to suggest that Czechs may be somewhat sartorially challenged (she means we have no fashion sense – Czechman – Get lost, this is my blog! – GIC), Ms Girl was, as predicted, set upon by an angry mob wearing teplaky (comfy jogging bottoms) and pelted with stale rohliky, an essential staple of the Czech daily diet.  

This was only the first stage of her public humiliation.  The second part involved a gruesomely realistic re-enactment of the Defenestration of Prague with Ms Girl being flung from the first floor of Prague Castle.  She has since been recovering in hospital but is taking copious notes with her remaining good hand and plans to blog about the experience at the earliest opportunity.  In the meantime, the devoted Czechman visits her daily and feeds her through the mouth hole of her full body cast.

4. The real explanation for Ms Girl’s dwinding creative output is simple: she is, not for the first time, experiencing an existential crisis. What’s the point in being just another voice clamouring away for attention in an already overcrowded and all-too-noisy cyberspace?  Isn’t it too easy just to point out the things one may find amusing about Czechs and Czechland (no article) and laugh? Perhaps silence is, as the cliche goes, golden. Or, as my Mum must surely have said to me at some point, if you don’t have anything good to say, it’s better not to say anything at all.

5. Girl in Czechland was not set upon by an angry mob and has thus been spared a long stay in hospital but she has been poorly.  An unfortunate combination of drugs (the officially prescribed rather than the recreational kind) led to her feeling generally terrible and having to take a whole month off work while her doctors struggled to work out what was wrong.  Sigh.  This has given her yet another opportunity to try to assert herself in Czech (‘just why exactly *do* I have to carry on taking these tables if they’re infering with the operation of my internal organs?’) albeit not very successfully.

No prizes for guessing the real reason for my lack of posts is number 5.  And a bit of number 4 also, I think. 


A fascinating Girl in Czechland fact: this is blog post number 50. My erratic output since I began sharing my thoughts with still somehow manages to add up to something, dare I say it, substantial.  To celebrate this milestone, I’ve decided to try something new: a competition!

I challenge you all, dear readers, to come up with interesting, quirky GIC-style ideas for new blog posts. Email them to me and the best one will win a prize: a brand-new shiny paperback from the new(ish) Penguin Central European Classics series.  One of the Czech ones obviously.  And I’d be interested to hear which posts you liked best: not just to stroke my pathetic little writerly ego but so that I can get a feel of what you’d like to see on here in future.  I’m not doing any more bread related posts for a while though – or anything which mentions a ‘notebook’ of any kind.

Yesterday was a bank holiday.  I don’t normally give much thought to the reason why any particular day has been declared a national day of rest but this time I couldn’t fail to think about the real reason behind it. 21 years ago Czechland had its Velvet Revolution. Major historical events can seem distant and remote, even ones from relatively recent times. However, if it weren’t for the collapse of the Iron Curtain, I wouldn’t be here. No Czechman, no housky, no quirky adventures.

It’s a strange thought.

The photo below is the last of my boxes from England.  The delivery driver sweated buckets hauling them up to the fourth floor of the building so I gave him a generous tip. Watch out Czechland: it seems I’m here to stay…

How did I survive in a foreign land for so long without my trusty Delia Smith cookbook?



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18 Responses to Where is Girl in Czechland?

  1. I look forward to verifying that only 5 and maybe a bit of 4 apply later on tonight! 🙂

    Glad your back to blogging!

    How about a post on the ubiquitous Gastropass…?

  2. Hi GIC,
    I was wondering what had happened to you but certainly hadn’t come up with anything like the imaginative ideas 1, 2 & 3 in this post! I did fear you had once more been ill. But you certainly will be very ill if you keep taking ‘tables’. I’m sorry for yet again being your proofreader but I think your Czech doctor has prescribed ‘tablets’ for you instead! And I suspest they are ‘interfering’ rather than ‘infering’ with your internal organs.

    Many congratulations on reaching post 50. May there be many more! I’ll certainly try & respond shortly to your competition, both with ideas & my nomination of my favourite post from the GIC blog. Get well soon!

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Ricky,
      I’m so ashamed that yet again my own proofreading has been found wanting: it’s a good job your eye for such errors is sharper than mine! I think I just get too trigger happy and click on publish without triplechecking everything: I’ll try extra hard on this front in my next post 🙂 ‘Infering’ my internal organs: I wonder if that’s some kind of Freudian slip? Or perhaps in this case, a cigar is just a cigar and a tablet just a tablet.
      I look forward to reading your competition entries and favourite posts! Hope you’re not too busy in the run-up to the festive season and all best wishes.

  3. It’s a nice feeling to get all the books together. That’s why I think these e-readers are gonna be such a hit!

    • girlinczechland

      Hello again Viktor,
      Ooh, not sure I agree! I’m a bit of a Luddite when it comes to e-readers: I very much enjoy holding the physical object in my hands… And having all that intellectual furniture on one’s shelves does tend to impress guests (or at least that’s what I like to think!)

  4. girl who brings you magazines

    Don’t rate your Delia. Love your blow up doll.
    Get better hugs from the London

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Ms Lavinia,
      Thanks very much: I must be feeling the love from London as I do seem to be doing a bit better these days (touch wood, cross everything). I nearly had svickova for lunch today and thought of you but then decided it was too lardy. All that cream and dumplings was very tempting though given the snowy weather: my tummy’s grumbling just thinking about it!

  5. Sarka

    I loved the possible reason no.2 🙂 Your boyfriend probably has a good sense of humor. So now we know that the Czechman is not only careful with money but he is also lovely 🙂

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Sarka,
      He is indeed lovely, most of the time at least – but I’ve spent enough time pointing out his faults on the blog already, much to his irritation, so I won’t do again here: we wouldn’t want to cause any domestic tension in the run up to Christmas 🙂

  6. If you are poorly, try Canadian Medical Centre in Prague 6… they speak English and are quite caring.

    I want to hear about ‘zabijacka’ especially, and all the TV programmes / TV news you find funny (I mean weird, right), and also more English lessons on Czenglish xxx

    • girlinczechland

      Hello Jana,
      Something on Czenglish (but in a friendlier, more constructive tone this time!) is indeed in the pipeline. Watch this space…

  7. Gormie

    How about something about fairy tales in Czech TV?

    • girlinczechland

      Ha, Gormie, have you been colluding with Czechman? That was his suggestion! Something on fairytales is indeed in the pipeline..

  8. Hi girlinczechland!
    Just wanted to say I am really enjoying your blog! I am new to both blogging and Prague, so am giggling twice as hard I think!


  9. Long-time occasional reader, first time commenter. Unfortunate drug combination: let me guess, fluoroquinolone antibiotics plus NSAIDs?

    This is a fabulous blog with wry, perceptive observations and a genuine affection for both Czech and UK life. And you’re an excellent writer with a great, knowing turn of phrase (and as a writer-translator myself, I don’t say that lightly!) It’d be a shame if you gave up the blog, though I can see why you might want to write it less regularly.

    How about a post on Czech music? The national music scene is largely dominated by (dated) rock with little in the way of pop etc, though I’m partial to Aneta Langerova, Lucie Vondrackova (the Fenix remix CD is epic) and Ilona Csakova (check out her “best of”…). Might a trip to the CZSK section of Bontonland be in order? 😉 And great to hear about those Penguin Classics – there should be more CEE literature in translation and this is definitely a step in the right direction! Now all someone needs to do is translate Jerzy Zulawski’s Lunar Trilogy into English…

  10. Sarka

    I just wanted to thank you for this blog! It’s awesome! I was literally rolling on the floor laughing while reading your posts 🙂
    Can’t wait for something new.

  11. Aussiegirl

    I feared defenestration all along. Seems to be, historically speaking, the Czechs’ favourite passtime! Please keep writing! I love your posts, and so does my Czechman. Happy holidays, enjoy the Christmas markets (which I’m missing this year) and hope you are feeling better.

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